Watch
by Bleak Landscape
Summary: Fai could only watch him. Always watching. Because he didn't deserve him. No one did. He was altogether too perfect. KuroFai


**Author's Note - **Hi, peeps. This is the first time I've ever written something that involves romance _and _an amount of fluff _and _yaoi, okay? So go easy on poor ol' me. Critics are allowed, in fact, their welcomed with open arms. I want any opinion on how to improve my writing, thank you very much! Oh yeah, I don't have _anything_ against Tomoyo, in case you get that impression from this story. I just needed a reason for Fai's part in this. I like her as much as I like Fai and Kurogane, but Yuuko will _always _totally pwn 'em all.

**Warnings - **Okay, there's a bit of angst, waffy fluff, and, of course, yaoi. I don't want to be, I don't know, sued because someone was dreadfully afraid of yaoi and claimed that I had corrupted them forever, or something. It's not rated M, but still, be careful around your parents, kids, 'cause I don't think they'd want y'all to be hangin' around a irreponsible, yaoi fangirl.

**Disclaimer - **Let's get this straight, okay? I DON'T OWN TSUBASA CHRONICLES! And I never will! Unless somehow Fate decides to be kind to me for once and demands CLAMP to hand over their amazing creations and I will go and rejoice in my incredible power and wealth.

_--_

_**Watch **_

_--_

Everything about him was exquisite. The hypnotic way his black bangs would sweep across his face when he turned, the clear, confident gleam in his eyes once he was in fighting stance, or in battle.

It seemed that his solution to leaving Celes would be a better life, a new beginning, but it only seemed to have bought on a deeper, more complicated problem.

Fai would watch.

He would always be watching.

The expressions beneath those fake smiles, those plastic sentences, would always be watching him, watching Kurogane.

The nicknames that Fai had given Kurogane fed his longing, but only prolonged the unrealistic daydream. All the storybooks that Fai had read as a child, all of them, they all ended happily. With the prince and princess living together in their large and prosperous kingdom.

_They _were the ones that were fake. Reality is so much harsher than a simple fairytale. The hardships that go on in the stories are much too predictable, much to transparent to be honest. What were they thinking, the storytellers, when they weaved a web of lies and deceit? Were they doing the children a favour, by telling them lies when they must face even harder ones in their lives?

At the times when he was alone, Fai would sometimes think, and smile to himself ruefully. Was he blaming the storytellers just because of his poor relationship with Kurogane?

It seemed selfish. So selfish.

Fai could see the other's devotion to his own princess, to Princess Tomoyo. He could see why.

She was a charming girl, humorous and cheerful. Her pure black hair was the most beautiful aspect of her. It shimmered and gleamed every time she turned, or shook her head.

It was so similar to Kurogane's, and it seemed to be destiny for those two to be together.

Not like Fai and Kurogane. Fai was always getting on his nerves, prompting him towards anger.

But he couldn't help it. It was the only way to get Kurogane to acknowledge him. Disdain and anger. If he had stopped noticing him, it didn't bear thinking about.

Kurogane was the foothold in Fai's life, now.

How he had let him to get this close to him, Fai had no idea.

Fate was one cruel mistress indeed. Funny how the Dimension Witch, Yuuko, seems to resemble her very much indeed.

Kurogane's devotion to Tomoyo, Fai observed with silent iciness. It would seem unlike him, unlike Fai, to act rashly upon it. Everytime Kurogane declared his determination to return to his original world, Fai would tolerate with only a plastic smile.

Fai couldn't help but let jealousy take a hold in his mind.

It was an emotion he hated.

It would morph into something darker, deeper and more passionate. It is the causer of destruction, the blackness of pure hearts and the stain on a pristine carpet. As if someone had spilt crimson wine on a clean, white sheet. It would sink into the material, hold and dominate. And then contaminate. It would spread, reaching out with its dark, red tendrils. Greedy and always wanting. It was a human emotion.

And, similar to a stain, it may never go away.

Fai couldn't bear to approach Kurogane in such a way To contaminate such a perfect being with his unclean thoughts, his hateful emotions. And also fear. It as the fear of rejection, and Fai hated it.

Rejection wouldn't settle with him, and Fai knew it.

So Fai would only watch. Watch when Kurogane slept, watch when he was awake, watch when he was alive and fighting. Even if they were fighting with each other.

When he slept, it was the only time that the hardness of battle and pain left him, untouched and pefect.

Fai relished in the feeling of being able to wach him at times like this. He could only wish to feel like that, clean and refreshed.

But his past was too dark, too unclean to be anywhere near that pristine being.

It was a sin. A dreadful sin.

He couldn't do it, and he was a coward for it.

Fai would feel his heart clench painfully in his chest every time those clear, penetrating eyes turned to look at him, or even glance past him unseeingly, to the person behind him. Always to the person behind him.

Because Fai did not matter to him at all.

Fai was nothing but an annoying, buzzing fly in the background.

In other words, Fai was nothing.

Fai's view on these scenes shifted and twisted.

Warped.

Just like the emotion, that hateful emotion called jealousy.

So Fai only watched him, and loved him secretly in the aching hole where his heart is, and longed for the chance to touch that perfect being, to smile truthfully at that stubborn expression and watch those eyes soften whenever he would step into the other's line of sight.

But it was only a fanatic daydream, a moment's longing.

It would never happen.

Fai could only call him those stupid nicknames and watch as Kurogane turned to him to yell at him, to throw insults.

But he never ignored him.

Fai was grateful to that. Kurogane never ignored him, even when Fai was making fun of him playfully. He would always turn around in anger and glare at Fai, but would never ignore him.

So at last, when Fai lay, limp and unresponding in Kurogane's warm, protective embrance, the conscious part of Fai's mind smiled contentedly. Through the blinding haze of pain, which was cruelly ironic, since it was one of his eyes that were missing, Fai felt a sliver of happiness.

Kurogane's concern touched him deeply, and Fai realized that all that watching and those nicknames may not be as worthless as he thought they were.

As the thick, crimson blood flowed down his face, from under his closed eyelid, where a dark, black hole replaced his clear, blue eye, Fai concluded that there may be a chance after all. When this was all over, when everything was fine, when nothing mattered except Kurogane and him.

Fai never realized the consequences of this when he woke up, as a completely different person.

His eye was gone, replaced by an eyepatch. His humanity was gone. Completely gone.

Starting life again as a vampire thriving on Kurogane's blood was hard, especially when he saw the shocked look in Kurogane's eyes when he called him by his full name, instead of his usual nicknames, when Fai had awoken.

Fai told himself that it was his imagination when he thought he had seen a glimmer of hurt in Kurogane's expression. But it was masked so swiftly that it may have never been there at all. That was what Fai told himself, and it was the broke him to acknowledge it. He was making excuses for himself, he knew it.

Fai hated himself for despising Kurogane. Despising him for turning him into a malicious vampire. But he was only acting as he did before, blaming Tomoyo for holding Kurogane's devotion, blaming the storytellers for lying about happy endings and joyous lives. He was now blaming the only thing he really cherished in this bland and hateful world.

Kurogane.

Fai hated being a burden to others around him. To disturb Kurogane when he was hungry, to ruin his time, to interrupt his life.

Fai sometimes wished that he had never left his home world for this sad excuse for an existence.

He was being selfish, he knew. He knew that all along. He had been a selfish person ever since he had came into this world, always turning things to his own advantage. Even when he had left his home world, Celes, because he had been too cowardly to face the hurdles and complications there. He should have known from the start. Equivalent exchange. It would always catch up to you. Some people would say it's karma.

Fai regretted everything he had done, almost.

He didn't regret the time he had spent in Kurogane's arms. When he had felt that deep feeling of peace, of contentedness a last. He would have died with a smile on his face if that had been his last, dying breath.

He was being a coward at not being able to face life as a vampire. The twins, Subaru and Kamui must have had it much, much worse than him. A hunter after them was bad enough.

Fai had never been fully himself after than incident. Every night he touched the place where his eye used to be. He covered it with his eyepatch. It was ugly, so ugly.

He wasn't good enough for Kurogane. No one was.

No one was enough to match Kurogane's stature, his rank. Not even Tomoyo.

Fai could only return to watching. And watching only.

As he watched Kurogane retreat further and further away from him. Away from him forever.

Fai's nightmare was becoming reality. The refusal to be acknowledged, the ignoring.

Fai was scared to be alone. Deathly scared.

What would happen to him if he was alone, forever?

Fai refused to allow himself to let go of the unstoppable cascade of tears. This time, only from one eye. It was grotesque. He didn't deserve Kurogane. No one ever would.

He bit his lip until he felt blood begin to flow. It only reminded him more of the disgusting being he was now. The forever craving of blood urked him more than anything he had ever felt in his life.

It was shameful.

All because of Fai's selfishness, his cowardliness, his deceit.

His fake smiles and talks had diminished so much. He was almost completely silent.

He had learnt to blend into the background, to become something that was just _there_, with no need for any reason. To be easily ignored.

So he watched Kurogane. He watched him talk and communicate with others around him. He always watched. And no longer spoke that much himself.

His one sapphire eye gleamed with moisture as he bowed his head down, the moon bright above him, illuminating his golden bangs with an unnatural glow. His shadow was long and dark on the grey ground as he sat, still and silent, on his own. Not wanting to disturb anyone else. Not wanting to be a burden.

He never heard the presence behind him, the soft, trained, footsteps growing closer each second, each apprehensive ticking of an invisible clock, the clock of time. Fate waited, tense.

It wasn't until Fai felt the change of temperature on the breeze blowing on his neck did he realize that he was not alone, that someone was behind him. Fai scolded himself for being off-guard. It was something Kurogane never would do. As Fai tried to blink away tears that were just beginnning to shed, he felt a pressure on the back of his head.

Fai froze. That someone had leant their head on the back of his head, and Fai's heart was going off in rockets because of that sensation. The wondrous feeling of being acknowledged.

Traitorously, the tears began to flow freely, dripping down his face, landing in small, wet droplets onto the ground.

Fai felt a small intake of breath behind him, and he dared to close his eyes and hope that it was who he hoped. Knowing his luck, it probably wasn't. But it was a nice change.

That someone hesitated for one, long, slow and painful second before slowly snaking their arms around Fai's slender form, which was just beginning to shake with silent, violent sobs.

Black hair, the colour of the night, slid into his line of vision as Fai finally allowed himself to relax into the embrace.

What had caused this onslaught of emotion gathering in Fai's chest? It seemed so, so heavy. Was it love, all over again?

Fai allowed himself a small, true smile of content as he heard those quiet, murmured words as Kurogane tightened his hold on the other.

"I'll always protect you."

_--_

**Author's Note - **Okay, at the ending, I got a bit wonky there, I think. I mean, for the love of - it's 2 in the friggin' _morning_! Why am I inspired to write at such an unfortunate time? Also, I have no idea if the eye induces tears or some other fancy organ in the head or something, because I don't have one single mucked up idea on eye anatomy. So, until next time!

Ciao.


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